I'd Do Anything for Love But I Won't Do That

I may be celibate but I'm not dead. I have all the natural needs and desires of the next person, I have simply chosen not to fulfill all of them. I do not indulge my desire to have sex but I do have the desire to embrace and I find no conflict between the fulfillment of that desire with my celibacy. This is why ballroom dancing is so precious to me. Where else in life do I have the occassion to be held by a man?

Hypocritical Justification

When Christians mention the gosepl they sometimes are met with the objection, "What about the people living in the jungles of Africa (or wherever) who have never heard about Jesus?" On the surface it seems to be a reasonable objection to the belief that people are saved only by believing in Jesus and repenting of their sins. However, at core, this objection is hypocritical.

Forget for the moment those people living in ignorance - have the people making the objection repented of their sins and confessed Jesus as Lord? Likely not. They've rejected the gospel based on some other reason. So what difference does it make to people who reject the gospel as false that people on the other side of the world have never heard the gosepl in the first place? Such people are hypocritically trying to justify their own rejection of Christ.

Billion Dollar Gift: "Not Good Enough"

I read somewhere that Richard Dawkins was asked that if when he died it turned out there was a God afterall, what would Dawkins say to him. Dawkins response? "Sir, why did you take such pains to hide yourself?"

I recently read in Matthew where Jesus was asked by some Jewish leaders to show a sign from heaven that Jesus was who He claimed to be. Jesus replied "A wicked and adulterous generation seeks a sign but no sign will be given except that of the prophet Jonah" (Matthew 16:4). He clarifies in Matthew 12:40 that just as Jonah was in the belly of the fish for three days and nights, so would He, the Son of Man, be three days and nights in the earth, referring to His burial after crucifixion.

I never really thought about the point Jesus was trying to make but upon reading that passage this time around it became very clear. Jesus Himself is the greatest sign that God could give to demonstrate that He exists and loves us and has a plan for our salvation. What greater sign could there be of God's existence and His care for us than that He come down to us in the flesh and teach us His ways? To ask a greater sign that that is to ask the impossible, like asking that someone make a square with three sides.

This statement of Christ's reveals the hypocrisy of Dawkins' remark about God hiding Himself. God gave the greatest and clearest sign of His character, intentions and requirements when He sent His Son into the world to "pitch His tent among us" (John 1:14). That was God's billion dollar gift to humanity. Dawkins in effect claims that sign is not enough implying that if only God revealed Himself more clearly Dawkins would have believed in Him. Yet it is a matter of record (The God Delusion) Dawkins' acrimonious view of God as revealed in the Bible. Regarding such people Jesus said "If they do not hear Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded though one rise from the dead" (Luke 16:31).

How like his father Adam who said "the woman that You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree and I ate" (Genesis 3:12). Dawkins wants to believe that, in the chance that he is wrong about the existence of God, he has an adequate defense to make to God to avoid punishment for years of denying His existence: "Not guilty because I was not properly informed of Your requirements of me."

Yet Paul writes that men "supress the truth in unrighteousness because what may be know of God is manifest in them for God has shown it to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen...even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse" (Romans 1:18-20).

Musings on Being One not Two

I've been watching a lot of TV lately and have noticed just how much sex etc. is in shows and movies. I've especially noticed women on TV and how much angst they demonstrate in regard to sex and relationships. The endless conversations about how much they want a man and how to figure men out and how to hang onto a man and on and on. For them, singleness is a curse and a plague. They strike me as lonely people looking for a man to take away the ache. I don't really relate. For the most part, the only time I really ache about being single is when I'm in love with someone who doesn't want me. When I'm not in love, I'm okay with being single. Right now, I'm happy with my life as it is. I have a decent job, good friends, interesting hobbies, plans for the future. My singleness doesn't weigh on me. It's incidental.

I signed up on eharmony just for kicks to see who I might be matched with. I got a number of responses but in the process it hit me that I wasn't serious. At all. Getting married is not a goal of mine. I have the desire to get married someday in the indeterminate future but a goal is something you are active about, something you work towards and am not actively involved in finding a mate, nor do I want to be.

The women on TV seem to carry a lot of baggage regarding men. Sometimes I want to shake them and say "What's the matter with you? Get a life!" But perhaps I've grown so accustomed to having my identity formed in Christ that I take it for granted. I assume everyone has a sense of destiny, purpose and eternal meaning in their lives. I know who I am and where I'm going. I know that what I do in this life will live on for eternity. I will never go into the void. I will never be forgotten. Perhaps this knowledge has, unconsciously, relieved me of the pressing need to have children to carry on my memory. Maybe it has formed my view on lonliness. Lonliness is universal and marriage is not its cure. Maybe God's love has soothed my soul in such a way that the sting of lonliness is gone. I get lonely but I know that it is temporary in this life and will be completely done away with in eternity. I don't need a man to form my identity or to save me from lonliness.

I am endlessly curious about men and relationships and sex but I think I have that in proper perspective which helps me avoid certain hangups.

Publishing Process

It is with a sigh of relief that I uploaded my manuscript to my publisher yesterday. I composed the synopsis for the dust jacket, uploaded a personal photo and blurb, and chose the photo, colours and text for the cover. It's done and I'll get my personal copy in about 3 months.

Wow, my very own book!

I Dance for the Joy Set Before Me

For me, joy is the moment when, after stumbling through a salsa combination a few times, it finally clicks and I sail through it without missing a beat. My face never fails to light up.

Old Skills Get Dusted Off and Taken For a Spin

I work at a newly opened, upscale retirement home called the Canoe Club, in the dining room on the breakfast and lunch shift. My uniform consists of black pants, white dress shirt, black apron and bow tie, as befits the posh setting - for example, our dining room has crystal chandeliers. The club has a baby grand piano in the bistro on the main floor and I've been invited to play it whenever I have a spare moment during my shift. I've not been in regular practise since my Royal Conservatory days about 15 years ago so I'm rusty. But it's a little like riding a bike. I'm particularly motived to get back into it because the managers of the club are interested in having me play at functions hosted at our building and they will pay me to do so. So now I need to build up a repetoire. I have plenty of classical music from my old lesson books but not everyone wants a steady diet of that so I'm investing in new books. A few popular tunes, some show tunes, jazz, oldies. I hope to have a bit of everything in my piano bench. I'm enjoying getting back into piano playing. It would have been a shame to have those years of training, and not done anything further with it.