Down the Road...

Move it, move it!

2011-07-30T16:14:00.004-05:00

I just attended an aerobics class today, my first one in many years. I'm not in great shape but I was able to keep up for most of it and afterward felt good in my body, albeit rather tired.

Genesis chapter one tells us that God created humanity in His image and its clear from the design of our bodies that God intended us to be creatures that move. I took up salsa dancing a few years ago and one of the things I like about it is the fact that it's energetic. You can get a good workout from a few hours on the dance floor and have a great time too!

I'm so glad that God designed us to be active and that getting active would make us feel good - that tells me that God loves pleasure and loves giving the capacity for pleasure to His creatures. That's one thing I've noticed about following Jesus - the more I get to know Him, the greater my appreciation and awe for Him and the greater my capacity to enjoy Him.

Here's a video of what the human body it capable of:
http://youtu.be/jfSp5nMgq5I

I Need Thee Every Hour

2011-07-12T15:37:00.004-05:00

I arrived in Calgary last weekend with both anticipation and concern as to what lies in store. On the one hand, I recently came through a great time of seeing God direct my steps during my trip to Europe, and have had numerous things fall into place for this move to Calgary.

But on the other hand, I'm not entirely certain as to my job hunting. The temptation is to worry and fret against God. You know, it's a good thing to have uncertainty. I'm finding the uncertainty is pushing me towards God: to spending time with Him and remembering His promises of care and guidance, to worshipping Him for His great love and righteousness - and in this I enjoy peace and renewed trust in Him.

Without these question marks I'm facing regarding the kind of job I will find or where I will live, I would have less motivation for focusing on God. Although it's great to have times of rest and stability and certainty, I have found it's the times of difficulty, when I'm surrounded with the unknown, that I draw near to Him.

"Blessed is the man who endures temptation for when he has been approved he will receive the crown of life" (James 1:12).

The Blessing of a Great Big Book

2011-03-18T15:00:00.006-05:00

I am three weeks into my "slackerdom"! I visited the retirment home where I worked and told everyone I was enjoying being "retired"! My time has been spent on sewing projects, Bible memorization, visiting friends and running errands.

With regards to my trip, I have reserved a storage unit for all my things - the company offers a complimentary moving truck which is such a blessing for someone who does not even have a car. My father arrives on the 27th to help me move which is just over a week away - guess I can start counting down now, eh?

My memory project is going well. I'm into Ephesians chapter five now. What a great book this is! Paul talks a great deal about God's choosing of us for His kingdom, making peace with us through Jesus Christ, revealing His purposes to us, rooting us in His love. God does all the heavy lifting on our behalf!

Paul also talks about how God gives us spiritual gifts to build us up and help us to have a strong foundation and not be "tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine" (4:14). And He gives us a new nature so that we can live in "true righteousness and holiness" (4:24).

Of all the gods I could follow, I'm glad to belong to the One who has given a great big instruction manual for life! To have the whys and wherefores of life spelled out is such a blessing.

Something God has been impressing on me lately is the importance of being faithful in little things. Of not living life always "looking away to the future" and the potential "big works" God might have for me but focussing on being obedient and content in Him now. I'm getting better at living like that and I must say it's a peaceful, happy way to live. That "rejoice evermore, pray without ceasing and in everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" is such a simple command but it really works in keeping me positive and righteous. Granted my life is pretty stress free at the moment but the temptation to complain is always close by regardless of circumstances. I'm sure I'll have plenty of opportunity to test this verse thoroughly in the coming months!

One Week Down, a Bunch More to Go!

2011-03-04T16:40:00.004-06:00

Well, it's been one week since I left my job. It's been good so far. I'm enjoying having extra time in the morning for devotions. I read my daily Oswald Chambers verse and commentary and then a Psalm. After some thought and prayer I work on my memory project. I've finished chapters one and two - it's gone well because they are familiar from previous memorizations. But I just don't know if I'll get to the end of the book by the end of the month. We'll see.

Next week I will be out of town for a few days visitng with a couple friends at their homes. I have a list of people I want to connect with before I leave so I've been calling and emailing around making dates!

Something that I've also enjoyed doing this week is sending notes to people. Just little encouragements and a verse, let them know I'm praying for them. I think we can all use a boost every now and then and who doesn't like an actual piece of snail mail in this day and age!

Three words that have been on my mind lately are "encourage", "edify" and "exhort". The idea of supporting people, building them up in their faith and urging them on to greater things resonates with me and I'd like to do that. I'm sure these thoughts are God's leading for me in helping me to see how to use my spiritual gifts. It's nice to discover a niche for myself.

Oh, and I've started work on some sewing tasks. Today I went to Fabricland and of course found some nice material to play with! This is what I created today:

Do Difficult Things

2011-02-28T10:27:00.007-06:00

I am officially unemployed now. Today is my first day of slackerdom and so far so good. I went for a walk first thing in time to enjoy the beautiful colours of the sunrise. I had some tea and a biscuit - cookie to you but I need to get used to English English now eh! I went to the Forks and bought some shoes. And I started work on a new dress made from a sari I brought back from India in '08.

I have the entire month of March to myself. My father is driving out during the last week to help me pack and put my things into storage and we'll drive home to Thunder Bay on Thursday 31 March. That will give me a nice long visit with my parents before I fly to London on April 14.

I've been praying that I will not waste this month off work that I have. I do want to be productive and have a list of things to get done, many of which involve spending time with friends since I'm going to be gone for a while.

In church yesterday Pastor Todd preached on the topic of prayer. As Christians we can get complacent about our relationship with God and stop reaching for excellence and start thinking that we've gone as far as we can in the faith. Todd encouraged us to "do difficult things" because when we attempt things that are difficult we find that there is always more to know about Jesus and more excellence of character that can be had.

So this month I want to try something hard and that is memorization. I memorized a lot of scripture as a child but got out of it as an adult. But our minds cannot be renewed and our character shaped without God's word so it's important for us to "hide God's word in our heart." My goal for March is to memorize the book of Ephesians. I already have a good start on chapter one but there are six chapters in total so it will be hard. That's something you can pray about for me if you are so inclined!

Ok, time to get out of here - ta ta for now.

The Sweet Smell of Rejection

2011-02-19T17:22:00.003-06:00

I have struggled in life with the idea of mattering. Has my life mattered? Has it had an impact? Has it contributed to God's kingdom in any meaningful way?

I have usually figured the answer was "no" or "not much". My idea of something that matters is something big like praying with a person to receive Christ. But what God has been teaching me is that He works mostly through little things. "A word in season, how good it is!" says the Proverb and that kind of thing - a word of encouragement, a small act of kindness - is what matters and is what God uses to build His kingdom.

I have toyed with the idea of becoming a college professor for a long time and last year things finally felt like they were in place and so I decided to apply to graduate school for a PhD in Theology. It felt right and I was confident that I would be accepted. I started calculating my financial assets and looking into scholarships and bursaries and preparing mentally for another big move.

When the letter came I was nervous to open it but I was not prepared for the word "unfortunately". I was not accepted? "How can this be? The timing is finally right. I'm ready to go. Wasn't this God's plan for me?"

It was a bit of a shock for me and I had a good cry. But God had been preparing me for that letdown. I had a time of worship later that day and instead of feeling devastated and confused when that door firmly shut in my face, I felt like a whole new world of possibilities was openingi up for me.

Shortly thereafter I went for lunch with one of my references, a professor of mine from seminary and I shared my reaction with him. At a function about a year later I saw him again and he said that he had told what I had shared to students as an example of the attitude to have when choosing a career. I was so enocuraged by that. I had figured my little episode was just something for me to grow from and here God intended to use it to help Christian young people in their journeys.

I need to stop underestimating God. He can use anything for His glory including things that hurt or don't make sense at the time. My job is to trust and obey and leave the rest to Him. It makes for a more interesting and peaceful journey.

The Upside of Sin

2011-02-12T21:23:00.005-06:00

When Paul writes in Romans chapter seven about doing what he doesn't want to do and not doing what he does want to, I relate. That chapter isn't about some carnal Christian - Paul was writing about himself. He was writing about the tension of being "redeemed but not quite" - as Christians we stand before God the Father clothed in Christ's righteousness but while we are still in the body we are still subject to the weakness of the flesh.

Sometimes that tension is maddening to me. This week I found myself struggling with the burden of the sin nature but because I am fallen, my frustrations got twisted and turned around and I got angry with God. "What's the point? Why do You let this go on? Your ways are stupid!" etc. etc.

That's a big reason why God doesn't restore a sinless nature in us while we are here on planet Earth - to keep us humble. I carried on with my anger all this week but eventually I had to get down on my knees and confess it as sin and ask for forgiveness. In the end, sin keeps me from getting a big head from all the intimacy with God and knowledge of spiritual truths. No matter how far along the path to maturity I go, I don't have anything to brag about because I'm thisclose to falling headlong into some rebellious nonsense.

I Wondered as I Wandered

2011-02-06T19:59:00.004-06:00

I've done a lot of thinking about my adult life in the last few weeks. Many is the time I have despaired, feeling that my life has meandered with no rhyme or reason. I have had numerous interests that I have dabbled in to one extent or another but then my involvement dropped off. I have a number of talents and abilities but none have ever come to the forefront as a passion. My jobs have mostly been underwhelming in terms of satisfaction.

This all used to bother me greatly. "Why am I here? Why am I still on this earth?" I just felt like I was putting in time waiting to die. I wasn't suicidal, I just felt like I wasn't acheiving anything.

That is very hard in western culture. If you are not achieving or producing you are worthless. This thinking is even found in church. If I had a nickel for every appeal for volunteers I have heard, every admonition to "find your gift and use it", I would be rich.

Most of my adult life has felt like sitting in a chair. I have had chances to serve and do good with the talents and opportunities God has given me but I have never felt like I found a passion that has stuck with me. I yearn to find a ministry for God that uses the abilities I have, something I can get excited about.

But over the last 15 years I feel like doors have been resolutely shut on me. I have had some incidents of service but nothing along the lines of a significant ministry. This has bothered me because I have this deep sense that I am pleasing to God only when I am working for Him.

I think the "hemming in" that I have experienced over the years has actually been God's design. My belief that He saved me to get work out of me is wrong and is something that He wants to purge me of. So He has shut doors on me. Not because He thinks I'm incapable but because He has something better for me. Serving God is good but knowing God is best.

I have certainly had time to get to know God. This past year has been one where I've been literally shut up with Him. I moved into an apartment by myself last spring and stopped the ballroom dancing which had taken up so much of my time. I have had wonderful times of worship and painful times of discipline. It has not been a picnic. He has exposed garbage in my soul and exercised me again and again in the act of self-mortification. Submission to God is the hardest thing about being a Christian. The rebelliousness in me runs so deep - it's a constant struggle to master it.

As I look back over the years, what seemed to be fruitless wandering has actually turned out to be carefully orchestrated progress. I don't know what God has for me next but I know now, finally, that what has passed has not been in vain. I am sure that, as He has guided me in the past, so He will guide me in the future.

Evolution? The Fossils Say Something Else

2011-02-01T20:17:00.005-06:00

Comedian Lewis Black does a bit where he mocks creationists by saying that when they talk about the earth being created he says “Fossils, fossils, fossils, fossils – I win!”

Really? The fossil evidence is that clear? What do expert in evolutionary theory have to say?

“That’s still one of the great mysteries and problems to be solved in vertebrate evolution, the origins and interrelationships of these early jawed fishes.”
~ Dr. John Long, palaeontologist and Head of Science at the Museum Victoria, Melbourne, Australia

“We have no fossil records of bats during the Cretaceous period. This means that we are only depending on speculation, when it [ bat evolution] started and what happened in that time.”
~ Dr. Joerg Haberstetzer of the Senckenberg Museum of Natural History in Frankfurt Germany, specializes in bat evolution

“We don’t have such material...There is not a time when we can find the missing link.”
~ Dr. Irina Koretsky, Palaeontologist and Research Associate, Smithsonian Museum of Natural History, specializes in seal and sea lion evolution

“We know only little about the evolution of pterosaurs. The ancestors are not known...When the pterosaurs first appear in the geological records, there were completely perfect.”
~ Dr Gunter Viohl, Curator of Jura Museum in Germany

“Wherever we try to put Tyrannosaurs in the phylogeny of the breaching history of the therapod dinosaurs, they have a long missing records. And we are going to find that record one of these days.”
~ Dr. Paul Sereno, Paleontologist and Professor at the University of Chicago

“We are certainly lacking information that ties together meat-eating dinosaurs and all the rest of the dinosaurs...We’ve got nothing there yet. There is a huge gap.”
~ Dr. Angela Milner, Palaeontologist and Head of Vertebrate Palaeontology, Natural History Museum of London

According to the experts, we don’t have evidence for the evolution of fish, bats, sea lions, seals, Pterosaurs and Tyrannosaurs. Uh, sorry Lewis.

*all quotations taken from “Evolution: The Grand Experiment” by Dr. Carl Werner

His Wonders

2011-01-28T21:55:00.004-06:00

Yesterday we were greeted with beautiful hoarfrost decorating every tree twig - a real treat - one of my favourite things about winter. Today we got about 6 inches of snow which made driving extra fun what with the spinning tires and fender benders. I managed to get out and around without any mishaps!

I've been sick all week with a cold. Not so bad I've had to miss work but enough that I've not been out walking - just don't have the energy.

I only have four more weeks at Canoe Club and then I'm off for March. I plan to do some visiting out of town and to hammer down on the the physical prep. That walk down to the perimeter and back must be accomplished by March 31!

I have been enjoying several weeks of close fellowship with the Lord. He has been impressing on me the need to accept myself for who I am. To serve Him in the way that He made me, not get hung up thinking I need to do things that I'm just not cut out for. Ever since I was a young girl I wanted the gift of evangelism. I've always wanted to be a good verbal witness for Jesus and always felt bad that I wasn't too good at it. I can see now that, although witnessing is something that all Christians can do to some degree or another, it is not my spritual gift and I don't need to beat myself up that I'm not strong in that area. I'm better at writing and I can be a witness for Jesus in that way. I still pray for God to give me opportunities to speak for Him. But I'm trying not to put so much pressure on myself in that.

One of the things I like best about Jesus is His ability to cure me of my hangups. I used to hate myself. I thought I was a mistake. Really. And now, after so many years of His ministrations to me I can truly say that I love myself. I can see now, finally, that He has given me a lovely personality and many gifts. He has crafted something beautiful and worthwhile in me and has freed me from my blindness to that. I'm so sorry that I ever despised His handiwork. God doesn't make junk - humans make junk and I made junk of myself for many years. I am so thankful that He has opened my eyes to His wonders in Creation - of the world and of me.

The Guts Declare the Glory of God

2011-01-21T20:54:00.003-06:00

"In everything give thanks." This is a command I have not paid a lot of attention to but I'm thinking about it lately and obeying it more frequently these days. A thankful heart is a happy heart. It's soft and sensitive and easily led by the Holy Spirit. Unthankful hearts are hard and blind - they feel entitled to what they have yet also dissatisfied with it. It is wickedness on the part of us creatures to take God's manifold blessings in our lives for granted; to expect them as though they exist on their own rather than as things that depend on God's will.

For example: I have a perfectly designed, well-functioning digestive system. I have used it every day of my life and I don't think much about it. But it is a gift from God which He has given to me for now and which He can take away at any time. I'm noticing my internal systems these days and exressing thankfulness for them. Just by thinking about my own guts and viewing them as the gifts they are, I am more in awe of God's creative brilliance and His loving and generous nature.

I have overlooked this simple command most of my life and figured it didn't matter much. But this is God's will for me. My ability to discern God's will for me in matters that are not revealed (my life choices) depends on my decision to submit to Him and to obey in those which are revealed in His Word.

He Makes Me Want To

2011-01-17T21:43:00.003-06:00

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

God's will for my life has not been revealed all at once as some grand plan but has come about through the shaping of my character and desires and the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

A few years ago I felt restless and bored with my job in student development at Booth College and wanted to try something new. Somehow I got the idea to get involved with Youth with a Mission (YWAM). I had some idea of that organization but not a lot. I don't even remember how I latched onto them in 2008 but I did. I wanted to go to a spanish speaking country as I had an interest in that language so I was all set to apply to a base in Columbia.

Then one night I went to the lounge where some students were watching a movie called "Bride & Prejudice". It's a bollywood-esque version of Jane Austen's famous book and I was so taken with the colours! It's a riot of song and dance and sumptuous Indian clothes. I had never before had an interest in going to India but after that night I wanted very much to go there. All my interest in going to Latin America evaporated, I applied to a base on the sub-continent and I ended up spending five months in that country.

I suppose a skeptic could understandably say that I just did what I wanted and they would be right. I went to India because I wanted to go there. But that is the beauty of God. He's brilliant actually. The easiest way to get people to do what you want is to make them want to do it too.

As a younng person I had this nasty idea that God didn't care about my happiness and that if I agreed to follow Him fully He would tell me to do things that I didn't want to do. But as I have spent time with Him, in prayer and in Bible reading and in worship, I have discovered that as I have delighted in Him, He has literally given me the desires of my heart. I didn't know that He wanted me in India so He gave me the desire to go there and then it was no problem for me to head off in that direction.

It is so cool for me to discover that God cares about my happiness and that He is working out His will in my life in ways that please me even though I don't always understand them at the time.

This is so TRUE!

2011-01-17T21:30:00.004-06:00

"Cold Fact" by Dick Emmons

By the time he's suited
And scarved and booted
And mittened and capped
And zippered and snapped
And tucked and belted,
The snow has melted.

The Will of God for You

2011-01-15T09:23:00.000-06:00

“Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you,” Philippians 3:12.

We have a natural tendency to look at our problems so God tells us to rejoice. Wallowing in gloom leaves us no room for the lightness of joy. But by focusing on His gracious provisions in our lives we find ourselves free from depression, bitterness and cynicism. Instead, we are able to see God’s blessings all around us and are thankful for them.

As we tend to be gloomy, so we tend to worry. Thus God commands us to pray continually. In our own strength the world is a scary place and life is hard. But in God’s strength we are secure and are provided with everything we need to please Him and be at peace. If we are continually bringing our problems to Him instead of stewing over them we are released from the heavy burden of those problems and are then free to rejoice in His sufficiency.

Our habit of worry leads us inevitably into complaining and so we are instructed to be thankful in all situations. By complaining we shrivel our spirits with bitterness, dissatisfaction and suspicion that we have been treated unfairly by God. But when we count our blessings, our spirits are lifted and encouraged with a deeper realization of His provision for us and we are spurred on to prayer confident that He can take care of our problems.

By making a habit of these three things we elevate our spirits and present God with minds that are prepared for His leading in every area of our lives.

Every Breath I Take I Take In You

2011-01-09T20:53:00.008-06:00

Today I went to the "One Heart" multi-church service at the MTS Centre and what a blessing that was! To join together with 13 000 other Christians to praise God - it was a tiny taste of the glories of heaven.

This evening I went for my walk. This week I aim to do an hour of walking, about 5 km, six days out of seven, either walking home from work or doing a round of the indoor walkways and staircases downtown. I'll increase the distance one km per week for the next month and then two km per week after that. By the end of March I'll be able to do 24 km per day which is my goal. Here's an example of where I will be hiking. It is referred to as the "Jurassic Coast" due to the abundance of fossils.

At one point of my trip today I passed a group of teenage girls talking and laughing and cursing and I was seized with contempt. "Geez, don't you guys have anything better to do? Get a life!" was the gist of my thoughts. Very quickly the Spirit came to bear. The only reason I have goals and purpose in my life is the shed blood of Christ and apart from Him I am in the same boat as those girls. He is the reason I have a trip to England to look forward to and to prepare for. John Piper puts it this way:

"Everything good, and everything bad that God turns for the good of his redeemed children - was purchased by the death of Christ for us. We simply take life and breath and health and friends and everything for granted. We think it is ours by right. But the fact is that it is not ours by right...every breath we take, every time our heart beats, every day that the sun rises, every moment we see with our eyes or hear with our ears or speak with our mouths or walk with our legs is, for now, a free and undeserved gift to sinners who deserve only judgment." (Don't Waste Your Life, 51,52)

So that's something I need to pray about. That God will change my heart. Help me to be more grateful for His manifold blessings on me. And to be more gracious in my thinking regarding unbelievers because there but for the grace of God go I. "Far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Galatians 6:14).

Finding More of What I'm Looking For

2011-01-08T17:32:00.005-06:00

Just got back from another long walk. I've only been at this training for a short time but so far I'm sticking to it for one simple reason - I don't want to keel over from exhaustion on the trail! I'm planning a backpacking trip to England this spring along the rugged south coast and I need to be prepared. By the end of March I aim to be able to walk 24 km carrying a twenty pound pack in a day. I'll know I can do that when I can walk from my apartment downtown to the Perimeter highway and back!

For the most part my mind just wandered as I walked but on the way back I started praying. I find that physical activity whilst I talk to God is a good combination for me. I've been flipping through a book of mine lately called "Don't Waste Your Life", by John Piper. His thesis is this: "You have one life. That's all. You were made for God. Don't waste it." He talks about how God created us for His glory, to spend our lives knowing and enjoying Him and displaying His glory to others. And he laments how so many Christians live as though being entertained and comfortable is the greatest goal of life.

This idea of there being more to life has been with me for many years and I find myself wanting more. Not more experiences or more stuff or more money. More God. I want my life to mean more. To have greater purpose. To have higher standards and deeper desires, broader dreams and greater joy. God has already revealed Himself to me to be more than I have imagined. That's the path He's put me on and I'm eager to go further down it. This trip to England is not an "Eat, Pray, Love" experiement. I don't need to find myself; I already know who I am. More importantly I know whose I am. What I want to know is more of this God to whom I belong and how I can better serve Him. I fervently do not want to stand before Him when I die and know that I wasted my life. This trip is but an extension of this learning curve that began long ago. It is a particular expression of God's will for my life. And I can't wait!

Karnataka

2008-10-22T04:18:00.003-05:00

We have finished our short stay in the state of Karnataka. We were housed at the YWAM base here in Belgaum, along with the DTS students of that base who are also on their outreach. Belgaum is a large city of over a million people and I've enjoyed going around the city via bus and autorickshaw.

This week we visited a number of houses for prayer and meetings. We also visited a village for an open-air program of singing, skits and preaching. My favourite time was attending a retirement party for a church lady - the church members met outside in the court area of a government housing project and after the program we all sat down for dinner. I've been impressed by the generosity we've experienced here. We've had two meals with local Christians and every home we visit we are offered tea and cookies, even in the village. Another good time for me was being able to give the lesson at a pastor's meeting on Saturday for 45 minutes - a good opportunity to use my speaking skills and pass on some of the teaching I've received.

One other thing - there are no "maximum occupancy" rules here, at least none that are enforced. Yesterday coming home from dinner at a home, we crammed 21 people into an autorickshaw that ought to only carry 10!. Granted two members were hanging out the door so they weren't exactly "in" the rickshaw but still!

Tomorrow morning we are heading for the state of Maharastra and it will be another long journey.

Hinduism

2008-10-11T05:57:00.010-05:00

One thing I've observed in this India sojourn is that Hindus are spiritual people. On my way into town I walk past a temple. It is not very large, and has an open-air style. It is painted cream and white with a terracotta tile roof and a tile floor. Inside is the shrine which contains the figure of the deity which is maybe a foot in height. At certain times the doors of the shrine are open and the hanging oil lamps are lit. Devotees go into the temple to look at the deity and to pray. There is not much noise - the people just look quietly with their hands folded.

I particularly enjoyed my week of Hindu studies. I learned some valuable concepts that will help me during our outreach part of the DTS. I don't want to come across as a foreigner proclaiming a foreign religion that requires someone to totally change their community in order to convert.

In particular I learned about gurus, Hindu holy men who have forsaken worldly pursuits in order to acheive peace and enlightenment. A "guru" is someone who leads you from darkness into light. Ring any bells? Read John 8:12 and you'll see what I mean. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%208:12&version=31

Half Way Thru Phase One

2008-08-30T05:24:00.002-05:00

As I was walking down the road through town to get to the internet cafe, I was struck again by the thought "I'm in India." Of course, I know I'm in India, but I guess I feel like I'm really here. The first few weeks are novel and you just feel like a visitor. But I've been here now for six weeks so that visitor feeling has worn off and I feel more "in place" I guess.

I must confess, for a couple weeks I was not overly happy about being here. I didn't dislike it, but I was at best just tolerating things. But I'm past that now and really enjoying both India and my teammates and the program. I have to say I'm glad God led me to do a DTS. He's been doing great things in my heart, just pouring out His love and helping me to feel secure just as I am; that His love is unconditional and that I can rely on Him to sustain me in my difficult moments.

And I really appreciate my teammates and the staff. They are a fun, generous bunch and have been very kind and encouraging to me.

Last week I had some difficult moments, feeling useless and hopeless about the future and God was able to show me how I've been relying on my own feelings instead of His word. I had a good cry and a good talk with one of the staff and spent time talking with God and I really received encouragement from Him about my future. My future has felt like a bit of a blank but I have some ideas percolating in my brain now and I'm so thankful that God has helped me with this. But it's not so much that I have ideas for what to do after the DTS but that I'm growing more sure of God's love for me and that He does have good plans for me. I've always believed that in my head but it didn't transfer so well to my heart. I'm sure some of you reading this know what that's like!

Anyway, we have a couple presentations of drama and music to do at a couple churches tomorrow and then next week I believe our lectures will be on ministry to Muslim's.

Don't know if I mentioned but I've seen a few elephant's by now! And a chipmunk in a banana tree!

One month down, four to go...

2008-08-17T06:56:00.002-05:00

Well, I've been in India for one month now. This weekend was nice. On Friday it was Indepedence Day and we were invited to a church to participate in their service. I had a chance to participate in the singing contest, performing Steve Bell's "Wings of an Eagle" and eight of us team members performed a dance to "This is my Desire". During the message I was a little distracted by the geckos on the wall chasing a dragonfly that was fluttering around the lights! In my room at the house there is a little gecko that usually spends the night on the wall close to the ceiling - I call him our "little friend."

On Saturday the whole team was invited to the home of the pastor of the church we have been attending and we had a good time of worship and games. The pastor was also very encouraging, telling us examples from his own experience of how the Lord has provided for him and his family and praying for each of us individually. We had a very good dinner of chicken and rice and beef stew which we shared with other church members who came to visit with us. I so appreciate the hospitality.

This past week our lectures were on the subject of "Submission to Authority" and we looked at the life of King David and of Jesus as our exemplars. It was a very good series and so pertinent for life as a Christian. Please pray that I will continue to open my heart to accept God's love for me and to stop trying to earn love from Him and from others.

Thank you all for your prayers and emails.

In Christ,

Amy

Finding My Place

2008-06-26T16:13:00.005-05:00

Last Thursday, during the KidZone "thanks for serving this year" BBQ, everyone gathered around me to lay on hands for me to be prayed for as a kind of "sending out," in recognition of my upcoming time away in India with YWAM. On Friday I attended another BBQ, this time by my SIRVA friends from church (people who have gone on my church's annual mission trip to Mexico) and there was another time of laying on hands by the group and praying to send myself and three other girls out who are going on missions. Then on Sunday my small group went out for supper as a "sending out" for me as well.

Over the last ten years since college I have not had many ties. I have come and gone from a few places and never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I have been attending my church for 5 years and it has taken a long time but now I finally feel like I belong somewhere where there are people who care about me and will miss me when I'm gone and who are eager to hear about my experiences and will look forward to my return.

I have tended to be a loner in life and to shy away from affiliation. I have really identified with the character in the movie "Heat" who said "Don't get attached to anything in life that you can't walk out on in 30 seconds or less if you feel the heat coming around the corner." Relationships are work and can be messy and in the end you have to say goodbye. But my isolation has made for a lonely journey.

My experiences at my church and the activities connected with it over the last 5 years have helped me to both give and receive love, compassion and service. To enter into other people's lives and have them enter into mine. And to realize that people genuinely like me. These three times of being gathered around and having people lay hands on me and pray for me and just hang out with me have been so precious and have taught me the value of being connected with others, especially those in the faith. I know I will make many connections and friendships while I am in India but I do cherish the ones that I already have right here at home.

Emptying

2008-04-28T12:39:00.003-05:00

Today I have been cleaning out my storage room, in preparation for moving to India. A tedious chore has turned into a thoughtful experience as my trip, which always felt so far off in the future, is starting to feel quite close. Before, it was just something I talked about but now I'm taking concrete steps. I'm on the verge of laying down a few thousand dollars for a plane ticket, I get my shots on Wednesday, I have visa forms to fill out and I have to get rid of most of my worldly goods.

This purging of my stuff is, as I said, though-provoking. I've been a bit of a pack rat over the years - it's not gotten out of control but has still made for a lot of stuff hanging around. When you have space you tend to fill it so that's what I've done. But now, I have almost no space. I can only keep what will fit in a small corner of my parent's attic so I find myself needing to be ruthless and getting rid of things I have hung onto for years. Even useful things like appliances and dishes and housefold goods.

Winnipeg has been my home for five years and I've made a comfortable space for myself here in my apartment. I'm leaving but it's not to another apartment. Then I would just box and move everything. But my leaving is of a different kind. It's a complete life change. Going to India is a major marker in my life just as leaving home for college in '95 was a significant marker. I've moved several times since then but this is different. I'm not moving, I am emptying. Emptying my life of my physical possessions, most obviously. But as I box up things for the thrift store or bag them for the garbage, I'm starting to empty my life in other ways. Emptying it of certain ways of thinking, of certain values and expectations and desires. I do not know when I will return or if I will return. I don't know where I will be in one year's time or what I will be doing. I'm looking forward to finding out and I'm also looking forward to the liberty that comes with having few possessions.

Being

2008-02-21T16:55:00.000-06:00

Paper Journal entry from Sept 5/07

I was wasting time this evening looking thru old videotapes and felt like I was wasting time and that I should be praying. I wasn’t enthused about the idea but shut off the TV and went to the living nonetheless. My typical thought was to pray but I couldn’t think of what to say. Bible reading seemed out too. I teared up and I don’t know why. I ended up just sitting. Not making requests or talking about my thoughts or feelings or how my day went. I fingered the cover of my Bible but didn’t open it. I did not let my mind wander and daydream. I just…was.

I have heard it said that we are human beings not human doings. By we live as though we need always to be doing and we bring this in our relationship with God. We talk to Him and make requests, we read our Bibles, we sing, we ponder, and all this has its place. But I got the distinct impression tonight that God just wanted to be with me. Just to be. Just to sit in each other’s presence and focus on each other, without words, without gestures, without volumes of information being exchanged, just to be.

It was kind of hard. I can sit and daydream or consider a problem but to just sit still and focus on something without evaluating or measuring or setting off on some other chain of thoughts – well, that was new and felt a bit odd. Yet I could identify with God’s desire. I have often thought that, should I ever find a mate, I should like very much every so often to just be with him. Not talking or doing something but just sitting and looking and being.

So then God’s desire is not so hard to grasp. I just wonder why He wants to be with me. The thought of being and not producing is foreign but if that’s how I view this relationship, it will never reach the depths of intimacy that I want in it. And I will never understand God’s love nor His grace. Grace is undeserved. The Creator of the universe wanting to do nothing and do it with me. That’s an undeserved privilege.

Getting What You Want

2008-02-16T21:23:00.000-06:00

Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself also in the LORD and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” So often I believe, Christian thinking on this verse goes something like, “If I read the Bible and pray and go to church and give ten percent and keep my temper and be kind, then God will give me that thing I really want” like a spouse, children, this job, that home, protection from misfortune, healing from disease, emotional stability etc.

But that is not what that verse means at all. Think of it. “Delight yourself also in the LORD”. What does it mean to delight in God? Well, what does it mean to delight in another person? If I am in love with a man, I am interested in him, his thoughts and desires. I want to know what pleases him so that I can do that thing and so bring him pleasure. If his desire is inconvenient for me, I still try to get to know it and to support its fulfillment, because I am delighted with him and what is important to him is important to me. What would it look like if I were to say in my heart, “I will spent time with him and listen to him and laugh at his jokes and let him pick the movie because if I do that then I can get him to do the stuff that I want.” That seems manipulative and not loving at all. That seems like I don’t really care about him, I’m just using him to get what I want.

It’s the same thing with God. If we delight ourselves in the LORD, that means we get to know Him without strings attached. We explore Him and obey Him for the sake of loving Him. And we find that, instead of being disappointed because our desires are not met (and let’s be real - often they are not), we find that God has changed our desires, to reflect His. Then, because we truly want what He wants, He is delighted to give us our desires.

What keeps that from being manipulation on God’s part is the simple fact that He is God and God is good. His will is perfect, His understanding is unfathomable, His power is limitless and He loves us. He can see the end from the beginning and He knows when that thing that I am hung up on will not do me good even though I am convinced it would. He knows what is truly important, when I am blinded by my own small thinking.

I have been enjoying intimate fellowship with God lately and He has been illustrating the truth of this verse to me. Today, for example: There is a person that I care about and want desperately to spend time with. I had hoped to be able to do so this evening, yet I was thwarted and instead, found myself alone in the chapel, crying to God about it and some other things that were burdening my heart. I was so disappointed to not be with that person, yet I was not bitter. In the quiet and raw vulnerability of that moment, God was showing me a better way: that there are important things in life and as I was expressing myself regarding those other issues, I felt in my soul a deep desire regarding them that I had had not felt before and I truly wanted something that was certainly God’s will, which had previously not been y will.

And as for my desire for that person, I understood in my soul that it was better for me to be with God tonight then it was for me to be with someone else. That was God’s will for me and, even though I was sad, I was truly grateful.

I think that verse means that if we delight ourselves in God, He transforms our desires so that the thing that we desire above everything else is His will. All the other things we want, no matter how badly we want them, take a backseat to God’s will and we are made glad to have it so. I used to think following Christ meant living a life of drudgery and disappointment. I am now discovering that it is freeing and peaceful. It may not be well with my circumstances but, as the hymnist put it: “It is well with my soul.”

Quitting my Job and Taking the Next Step

2008-02-11T16:47:00.000-06:00

I resigned my position as Director of Community Life at Booth College and have been accepted to attend a YWAM DTS (Youth with a Mission Discipleship Training School) in India this July.

I chose YWAM because it focuses on growing Christians in community which is something I have sorely lacked over the last several years. I have lived and worked in a more isolated state than is healthy and I am looking forward very much to living and working and learning with a group of people over several months. I enjoyed a taste of that kind of living on my trip to Mexico with a group from my church in July '06. I spent two weeks with 35 other people 24/7 and it was such a good thing.

I also chose YWAM because I'm wanting to adopt a simpler lifestyle with fewer possessions. So I will be getting rid of the bulk of my stuff in the upcoming months instead of storing it. I don't intend on coming back to Winnipeg or even Canada any time soon so those things would be better off being used by someone else rather than sitting in a storage locker, racking up bills.

I chose India because I want a cross-cultural expereince. I have some awareness of India through reports I recieve from organization that I support such as Gospel for Asia (http://www.gospelforasia.org/) and Voice of the Martyrs (http://www.persecution.net/). Also, India in an inexpensive place to live and so it will cost me significantly less to attend a DTS there then say, Australia or Europe.

Love Languages and Kingdom Building

2008-02-07T15:34:00.000-06:00

I was complaining to God the other night that I didn't feel loved by him. Awhile back I read the book "Love Languages" and I think my language is quality time. I enjoy gifts and words of affirmation and physical touch but spending time with someone I care about is what really makes me feel cared for. I'm usually always conscious of God's presence so you would think I would always feel loved by Him but my preception of Him is often that He is there but He's just sitting there looking at me. Like the fish in the aquarium doesn't feel loved by the person on the other side of the glass.

Anyway, I've been having an email conversation with an atheist about evolution, and I was thinking about it yesterday, what I might say next, what the problems with the theory are. The thoughts were just coming to me and it hit me. I was spending quality time with God. He was there with me, and not just looking at me but interacting with me - it was him giving the thoughts I was having. That was Him showing me love, by spending time with me.

In the book "Captivating" the author talks about how women long to play an inportant role in something great but they want to do it with their man, not on their own. What I am doing in this conversation is evangelism - the whole point is to try to help the guy understand that the Bible is a reliable document so that I can share the gospel. That's an important task and I'm not doing it on my own - I am getting insight and discernment from God. We are doing this task of kingdom building together. That's love from God, I just didn't recognize it before.

Sharing the gospel, finally

2008-01-28T22:39:00.001-06:00

Jesus commanded us to "go into all the world and preach the gospel" Mark 16:15 and it has always bothered me that as a Christian I have not made much effort to share the gospel. This has been due to not really knowing what to say, not knowing how to make the gospel relevant to the people around me. It's not like you can just share with someone from scripture anymore since the Bible is not overly believed or respected anymore. Yet we are are commanded to share the gospel. What then are we to do?

Well, Paul gives us the answer in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5: "the weapons of our warfare are...mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God." Everybody has an argument against believing in Jesus. It's up to us to find out what that argument is and to cast it down so that person is in a better position to accept Christ.

This is particularly relevant to me because I have just entered into conversation with an atheist. Now, formerly I would have not had a clue how to proceed with sharing the gospel with an atheist and thus would have been too scared to try. But actually, the door of opportunity, the foothold, has been quite simple. We've started talking about origins. See, if he doesn't believe in God then he has no use for Jesus because he is not a well-loved, created in God's image, sinner. In his mind he has no need for a saviour. So to share the gospel with him, I need to start at the beginning, with creation. Now of course, he is an evolutionist and so I need to demonstrate the falisty of that postion in order to pave the way for the truth of God's existence, the veracity of the Bible, God's perfect creation of man, man's fall in sin and death, Jesus' substitutionary atonement and resurrection and man's need to repent. Everything is connected.

I'm glad to have an opportunity to share the gospel that I'm actually taking advantage of.

Logic, Arguments and Critical Thinking

2008-01-26T12:30:00.001-06:00

I find the study and use of logic fascinating. Trying to understand the relationship between ideas has been with me since my youth when I wrestled with understanding the doctrines of Christianity. I think that's why I nearly failed math in high school. I would day dream during the lessons, thus not learning the relationships betwen numbers and how they could be used and so when I had assignments and tests I did poorly. I guess I daydreamed because I consider myself to be a slow thinker - sometimes it takes me time to grasp things and when I didn't instsantly grasp mathmatical equations I lost interest, thus not taking the time to learn them. But all that math never had much of a relevancey for my life either then or now so it hasn't had a lasting negative effect.

What has made a difference for me is finding an issue I'm interested in and seeing how logic applies to it. Doing so has helped me to be a more critical thinker. I have a tendancy to just accept things at face value instead of asking questions and the study and practise of logic has helped me to stop doing that.

The issue that has fueled my interest in logic is the debate between creation and evolution. I have always believed in a 6 day recent creation and have either faced or read the many arguments against that belief. In search of answers I have come across the subset of logic that is particularly appealing to me - the detection of fallacious arguments. I suppose it appeals to me because I naturally struggle to think critically, to know what to look for or even what questions to ask.

My greatest resource by far has been reading real-life examples of fallacious arguments and their rebuttals by the organizations Answers in Genesis and Creation Ministries International on their website feedback pages.

Thru their works I have learned, for example, about argumentum ad populum or argumentum ad numerum, meaning "appeal to the masses." It means "if many people believe it is true, it is true." This is frequently invoked in the creation/evolution debate, along the lines of "all scientists accept evolution." This particular argument has a false premise, that "all scientists accept evolution" and so it is an invalid argument. Even the argument "most scientists accept evolution" is invalid because the amount of people that subscribe to a particular belief has no effect on whether that belief is actually true. For example, at one time it could be said that "most biological scientists accept that the appendix is a vestigial and useless organ" but in that case the majorty was wrong as born out by subsequent research.

This is particularly important for Christians who claim the Bible is the final authority in all matters. We may argue that somthing is true because the Bible says that it is, regardless of what other humans think. For example, the Bible teaches that God created in six literal days (according to grammatical usage) and so that may be argued as true regardless of the fact that many people believe God created over a much longer period of time.