Emptying

Today I have been cleaning out my storage room, in preparation for moving to India. A tedious chore has turned into a thoughtful experience as my trip, which always felt so far off in the future, is starting to feel quite close. Before, it was just something I talked about but now I'm taking concrete steps. I'm on the verge of laying down a few thousand dollars for a plane ticket, I get my shots on Wednesday, I have visa forms to fill out and I have to get rid of most of my worldly goods.

This purging of my stuff is, as I said, though-provoking. I've been a bit of a pack rat over the years - it's not gotten out of control but has still made for a lot of stuff hanging around. When you have space you tend to fill it so that's what I've done. But now, I have almost no space. I can only keep what will fit in a small corner of my parent's attic so I find myself needing to be ruthless and getting rid of things I have hung onto for years. Even useful things like appliances and dishes and housefold goods.

Winnipeg has been my home for five years and I've made a comfortable space for myself here in my apartment. I'm leaving but it's not to another apartment. Then I would just box and move everything. But my leaving is of a different kind. It's a complete life change. Going to India is a major marker in my life just as leaving home for college in '95 was a significant marker. I've moved several times since then but this is different. I'm not moving, I am emptying. Emptying my life of my physical possessions, most obviously. But as I box up things for the thrift store or bag them for the garbage, I'm starting to empty my life in other ways. Emptying it of certain ways of thinking, of certain values and expectations and desires. I do not know when I will return or if I will return. I don't know where I will be in one year's time or what I will be doing. I'm looking forward to finding out and I'm also looking forward to the liberty that comes with having few possessions.