The Sweet Smell of Rejection

I have struggled in life with the idea of mattering. Has my life mattered? Has it had an impact? Has it contributed to God's kingdom in any meaningful way?

I have usually figured the answer was "no" or "not much". My idea of something that matters is something big like praying with a person to receive Christ. But what God has been teaching me is that He works mostly through little things. "A word in season, how good it is!" says the Proverb and that kind of thing - a word of encouragement, a small act of kindness - is what matters and is what God uses to build His kingdom.

I have toyed with the idea of becoming a college professor for a long time and last year things finally felt like they were in place and so I decided to apply to graduate school for a PhD in Theology. It felt right and I was confident that I would be accepted. I started calculating my financial assets and looking into scholarships and bursaries and preparing mentally for another big move.

When the letter came I was nervous to open it but I was not prepared for the word "unfortunately". I was not accepted? "How can this be? The timing is finally right. I'm ready to go. Wasn't this God's plan for me?"

It was a bit of a shock for me and I had a good cry. But God had been preparing me for that letdown. I had a time of worship later that day and instead of feeling devastated and confused when that door firmly shut in my face, I felt like a whole new world of possibilities was openingi up for me.

Shortly thereafter I went for lunch with one of my references, a professor of mine from seminary and I shared my reaction with him. At a function about a year later I saw him again and he said that he had told what I had shared to students as an example of the attitude to have when choosing a career. I was so enocuraged by that. I had figured my little episode was just something for me to grow from and here God intended to use it to help Christian young people in their journeys.

I need to stop underestimating God. He can use anything for His glory including things that hurt or don't make sense at the time. My job is to trust and obey and leave the rest to Him. It makes for a more interesting and peaceful journey.